The Music In Me

You know what the best feeling is for a broke, aspiring musician like myself? Being able to say I can write music again. For about a year now, I've been gathering up new bands for my listening pleasure, and not paying much attention to the music in my own heart. I'd hear musicians sing certain words (luckily, most musicians I listen to write their own lyrics) and my heart would ache because I had my own words to manifest and I just couldn't. I'd hit a block. I'd begun to be in a rut. I can honestly say, it upset me greatly to know all of this feeling was stuck inside of me and I couldn't remove it somehow.

And then last night happened. I was just laying in bed and a crazy burst of inspiration shot all through my body like electricity. I flipped on the light switch and frantically pawed around for a pad and paper (which, in my room, isn't hard to come by) and just sat for a second. I was thinking about a situation I'd been through (with a guy, duhhhh) but I wrote about something completely different. (Another guy. And I'm realizing this blog makes me sound pretty promiscuous, but I assure you, I'm just indecisive and picky.)

The song began to form around the thought that it's really hard for me to completely cut someone out of my life, even if I don't speak to or see that person anymore. It was later molded around a guy I'd been talking to and how things began to fade mutually. After the fact, I still wanted to talk and he didn't seem to share that sentiment. If I can say I learned one thing from this boy, it was to be open with and be able to put into words my emotions. The song was really just a summary of my short little trek with this person. 

But now I've gotten off topic. The fact is, when the song was done, it was so well worded and soulful and emotionally satisfying that upon completion, I sat back, sighed (emotional exhaustion), and smiled to myself. I'd finally, after a year, manifested my emotions into song lyrics, and that's what I've wanted to do all the while.

I hope this one isn't boring or too scattered,
Cayla xx