Today I asked my mom a question that I'm sure all kids with separated parents ask their moms. "Mom, do you still think of dad every day?" I'm not a romantic of any sort, but her reply surprised me. She said, "Nope. Not at all."
I found myself thinking it was weird to think that two people that were together for most of their adult lives don't think of or miss each other. That you can spend almost twenty years loving someone and then one day accept the fact that you don't love that person anymore.
Now, of course this was question was provoked by my own thoughts on the Skater (this guy just keeps popping up, eh?). He has intruded upon my thoughts every day for the past year. At first, it upset me greatly and I wished things could have worked out. Later on in the year's time, I could recall the things we'd done and the places we went with laughter. No matter the emotion, this boy has been on my mind for the past year. Why? When he was doing God knows what with God knows who, why was I thinking about him? Was I allowing the thought of this person to dictate my life? Am I now?
Now don't get me wrong, I have had the most enjoyable roller coaster of a year from fall of 2012 up until now. Truthfully, it's been the best year of my life so far. I made new friends and crushed on a very interesting senior and laughed TONS. Don't think I just spent my time thinking about this boy all day. I'm just worried. I'm worried that if my mom can live her life without mentioning my once a day (and they were together almost twenty years), then why am I still thinking of a boy that I had an undefined "thing" with for two months or so? I've been casually waiting for the future day I don't think about the Skater for the past year. Now, I don't know what I want, but admittedly, I never do.
The most confusing human being I know,
Cayla xx
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