So, I was thinking today, I'm glad I have the opportunity to write every day. I'm glad that, usually, I say something relevant at least once a night. I guess that means I'm still sane. BUT, I was also thinking about the fact that something's missing from my blog since I've been back. I realized, that's because I don't necessarily put real experiences into this thing anymore. I don't make it relatable anymore. I've turned this blog into more of a diary or a practice of complaint and emotional release, and that isn't fair. So let me give you some substance, eh?
Last night, I didn't get to sleep until about five this morning. I settled into my bed after a hard day of work and dozed off into a pleasantly sound sleep until my alarm scared me awake at ten thirty this morning. I found my phone, turned off the alarm, and was about to go to sleep when Facebook tells me I have a message. I "ugh"ed and looked at my phone, despite the fact that I wanted to sleep in a little more. Good thing, too.
As it turns out, there was a random message (and I do mean random) that Skater Boy's ex-girlfriend left me, calling me names that shouldn't be repeated and insinuating things that completely contradict my personality. The gist?
"We broke up and he won't leave me alone. Can you just do me a favor and get him to stop telling me he loves me? I don't like you at all, but if it has to be you, then so be it. He told me he feels absolutely nothing for you, but with a few minor changes to your personality, I'm sure you could have him again."
(And of course that was paraphrased, proofread, and censored tremendously.) I laid in bed and blinked, confused. I shook my head and read it again. This time my feelings were hurt. Where was the anger coming from? I haven't had anything to say to Crazy Girl or Skater Boy for a long while, and we all parted on good terms. Why was this still following me? I read it again and was perplexed, once again. It's too early for this, I thought. I called my best friend, Jennifer (Hey there, Jenni!), read her the message, and then left for her house. I responded to Crazy Girl in the most polite way possible, not wanting to fuel the fire any. I told her that I was disappointed in her feelings toward me and that I still liked her as a person. I told her the best way to handle it was to tell Skater Boy how she feels. I figured her anger was misguided, and I smiled at the fact that I handled myself so well. She saw my message and didn't respond. "It's over," I thought.
Thought.
She responded seven hours later with some unintelligible angry message. Truthfully, I got a little ugly. I said things that shouldn't have been said, but they weren't insinuations about this girl. The rude things I said were true (which makes it worse, I suppose). And, because I'd been nice so far (this is the third time she's flipped her lid on me randomly), I stood my ground (maybe a little too much) and I don't regret it at all.
The lesson here, you ask, dear reader?
Well, I truthfully kind of forgot about the Skater and the entire situation. I guess that's what happens with time. I'm moving on. But, moving on doesn't constitute forgetting about where you've been. To forget is to dig a hole and then fall back into it. These people keep coming back up, and I guess the third time around I should acknowledge the fact that I may not be done with the situation. Moving on from this may not be in God's plan or the "big picture." I suppose you've got to keep an open mind.
I also learned, from the Crazy Girl, that my blog is a bit of a "publicized diary." And I'm perfectly fine with that. I never use names when I write, and I enjoy the writing I do. I have my own little audience, and they enjoy it as well. Because of today (and my guilt), I almost stopped blogging altogether. Another lesson? You can't let a little anger and bitterness from others keep you down. You have got to do what you love. Never ever ever stop.
Alrighty, well, I'm getting cheesy and motivational. That's my cue to go.
I feel good about this one,
Cayla xx
No comments:
Post a Comment