So, tonight while I was mopping at work, I had a thought. I was thinking about this guy I met the other night. (Well, I don't even think I "met" him. I didn't get his name and he didn't get mine. We were just hanging out with a mutual friend.) While I was hanging out at the convenience store, I assessed this guy. Tall, skinny, white, put thought into matching his clothes, looks like he does drugs (and I was right about that), twentysomething years old. I thought (and I don't like thinking it), this guy has absolutely nothing going for him and a year ago, I'd have been flirting with him at this point. The fact of the matter is, I have a terrible track record for liking this kind of guy (stop cringing, it's rude). Another fact is, after assessing this young man, I automatically thought "No. There's nothing to like here. There's nothing good for me here." And then I smiled internally, because I've changed so much in the past year.
Last June, there was the Douche, my best friend. I had the hugest, most cliche crush on this guy and there wasn't much special about him. He was completely rude to me, reduced my self esteem tremendously, and was a crappy person to my little brother (which is not ever acceptable. Family first). But I was willing to overlook all of this because "he's so awesome." He was cute (and looking back, I disagree with fifteen year old Cayla) and skated and played guitar, and shallow me was smitten. It took me a year to realize he was no good for me and had nothing to offer in the role I wanted him to fill in my life.
Then, there was the Player, soon after. He dated multiple girls at once and his catchphrase was "Can I touch it?" (No, stop laughing. I'm serious. He said that regularly.) I remember being completely infatuated with a guy that cared nothing for women, and that was probably why I liked him in the first place. (Bad boys, right?) My emotions changed quickly when I came to find he actually DID like me. I learned not to jump so quickly into saying I like someone (given that I'm never sure how I feel). Took me two months.
Then there was the Skater. (Ahh, the Skater. A recurring character in this blog. A familiar face on Gemini With The Green Eyes.) Tall, skinny, white, pothead (if I had a nickel for every white boy that smokes weed and suddenly thinks he's a rapper...), skater, southern as all get out. He was adventurous, spontaneous (I'm a sucker for spontaneity), hilarious, and just great. Except for that whole pothead thing. (Truthfully, the plant came before everything with him. As far as I could see.) Well, I was head over heels in like (what does that even mean?) with this boy, and then he stopped talking to me to pursue a girl in college. (You have my full permission to cringe now.) It took me ten months to realize there was nothing positive for me there. (I know that's a while, but we all learn sooner or later.)
And then, when all hope was lost, there was The Knight In Shining Armor. (Let's call him that.) Tall and thin, just like those before him, but different. He had ambition. He had goals to reach, and I saw him reach tons of them. He wasn't afraid to work, which is different than all of the other guys I mentioned. He was a gentleman. He called me "ma'am" in daily conversation (the few that I had the pleasure of partaking in with him), and held open the door for me when I ambushed him into a conversation with me on the way to lunch one day (poor guy, I know.) He was never rude to me outright, and never said no to talking to me (or dancing with me at prom). I asked him the most random questions at the worst of times, and he didn't question me or tell me to leave him alone. How long did it take me to get over this one? I haven't. I don't fangirl over him or blush at his name anymore, but he is guaranteed to have a lasting impressing on me.
Truthfully, before the Knight, I had no idea that teenage gentleman existed. I had no idea that boys called girls "ma'am" in a non-joking manner, and that actually meant a lot to me. Having a crush on the Knight was extremely unlikely, but I'm glad I did. Because of this year, I know a little bit more about what I want in a future spouse. Ambition. Motivation. Kindness. Proper manners. These things that the Douche, the Skater, and the Player lacked, things that my thoughts superficial compensated for. It turns out they aren't just fantasy things you only see in Disney princes. These things exist, even in young men, and that gives me more hope for my future ventures in love. They helped me to raise my standards. Having a crush at sixteen years old helped me to change my outlook on romance and love in general. It's pretty wild, huh? *insert cheesy Cayla smile*
Well, that's basically how I magically improved my track record. That Knight In Shining Armor is my golden star, and I'm ridiculously proud of liking him because of those who came before.
Did you like this one? I felt pretty teenagery writing this.
Cayla xx
No comments:
Post a Comment