I've Begun To Find My Identity

Today, I did something I've never done before. It was mega interesting, and I hope to have opportunities to do it again in the future.

I went to my friend Hannah's house and as soon as I got there, she said "Hey, we're going to youth group." My first thought was immediately Ughhhhh, tonight is going to suck. I don't ever feel comfortable in religious situations with kids my age. I feel like there are always eyes on my back, judging me, a person they don't even know. Later on in the day, Hannah's family friend (named Tornado, strangely enough) picked us up and surprised us with the fact that we weren't going to hang with teens, but young adults who lived in the suburbs. Great, I thought. Even worse.

When we got there, it was initially awkward, so we all ate (superb food, might I add) and began to break the ice. Hannah and I met a girl who was an EMT and was going back to Texas State University next fall (woot, Bobcats!), a man that was going to become a math teacher (and was into The Devil Wears Prada, The Maine, Hit The Lights, and The Word Alive), and so many more interesting people. I got less and less awkward as the evening went on.

After we ate, there was a bit of a church service. We all sat in a circle in the Pinterest look-alike living room as a couple in the group read from Matthew 4:1-11. We all discussed the time Satan himself tempted Jesus Christ. It's a story we've all heard a thousand times, but the way this group of people broke it down helped me to identify with my savior in a way I could have never imagined possible. Like suddenly, Jesus was like me, not just the Christ. 

From my understanding, Satan challenged Jesus's identity three times. Once he said to turn rocks into loaves of bread (to prove yourself through ability). Secondly, he said to throw himself off the temple in Jerusalem, where the entire population was watching (to prove your worth through how people see you). Thirdly, he told Jesus to bow down and worship him to acquire multiple kingdoms and riches (to prove your worth through belongings and wordly goods.) I realized, these are things I'm faced with every day!

I realized my Lord wasn't that much different from me, and I could truly identify with Christ in that moment. I had found my identity IN Christ. It was a powerful moment for me, and I was glad to have shared it with such a diverse group of people (that weren't the judgemental people I feared). I was glad to have experienced a sense of brotherhood and fellowship and community with these complete strangers, and to have learned something all because of a common belief!

I had the best day,
Cayla xx

My Last Night on My First Vacation: Homesick Edition

A few weeks ago, I agreed to go on vacation with my friends Sarah and Lyndsey and Sarah's dad. At the time, I was stoked to have adventures in Bandera, Texas with two good friends of mine for a whole week. We've been tubing (I'm warming up for that recreational activity at Texas State), swimming in a pretty clear river, taking daily visits to the resort's swimming pool, and we've done a whole lot of shameless binge eating and television watching. Just a week in paradise, right?

Plot twist: I'm so homesick, I could cry. I found myself missing home by the third day I was here in this beautiful hill country resort. I have this desire to hug my mom and breathe in that mix of body soap and cigarette smoke that reminds me so much of home. I want to hug my little brother and show him the video games I downloaded on my Android (which says a certain something, because I am in no way a "gamer") and put him in a headlock and tell him how much I missed him. I even caved a little today and called my mom sobbing about how much I missed her and how much I couldn't wait until tomorrow so I could see her and my brother. (Much to my disappointment, I was informed she doesn't get off of work until five in the evening, and Shawn is at a relative's house. That means I'll be spending a few hours of that day alone. I predict a tearful reunion.)

The whole mostly-independent-seventeen-year-old-girl-turned-homesick-toddler thing got me thinking. Is this what college is going to be like? I'm moving an hour and a half away next fall to attend Texas State, and I've been so excited about it. Am I doomed to be homesick my entire first semester? My first year? Am I going to be making distressed emotional calls to my family every night? Am I going to allow myself to be happy and enjoy campus living, or am I going to be too wrapped up in a one woman pity party chock full of missing my family and pouting silently? I guess we'll just have to see.

Home Is Where the Heart Is,
Cayla xx

Awkward Drawn Out Introduction, Anyone?

So, I'm Cayla Clack and this is my blog. I guess I should just say a bit about myself before I really dive into the depths of this emotional ocean we call blogging.

I'm seventeen, I have green eyes (which I'm super proud of, mind you), I am a Gemini and believe zodiac has a bit of validity. I love making people laugh. If I say something, and you crack a smile, victory has been won. I love it.

Paramore has been my favorite band for the past five years, and they inspire me, make me happy, and make me want to headbang every day.

I think a lot. I talk a lot. I'm shy, yet outgoing. I'm mature, yet immature (I mean, I still make poop jokes, guys). I'm overly confident, yet extremely insecure. I contradict almost everything.

I dream of being able to attend Texas State University. (Did I mention I'm from Austin, Texas?) As it stands, I want to attend State, major in Political Science, English, or History, and become a teacher. I feel like the next generation should have something more to offer than mine, and I want to help with that. I want to give some uncool kid like me hope, and help them figure out what they want to do in their lives.

I'll leave this blog on a semi-embarrassing note (although I'm not easily embarrassed). I have so many dreams in life. I want to be a teacher, I want to be a guitarist, I want to get singing lessons and be a badass pop-punk frontwoman (I practice headbanging in my bedroom, shh), I want to be an actress, I want to meet Avan Jogia, and Hayley, Zac, and Josh from Paramore. I want to do something great because like Neil Young says, "It's better to burn out than to fade away." I want to be great. I want to be known for doing great things and I want to be able to say, "I helped someone. I helped lots of someones."

Over and out,
Cayla